Loss- Imzadi One-shot
by MonkaMoo
Summary: After Nemesis. Deanna and Will are in command of the USS Titan. This is a one-shot about something special that is lost. Deanna's POV. Bittersweet, but a little more towards bitter and sad. Rated T for a possible trigger.


**A/N** Hi, Readers! This is non-canon (books/comics not the series or movies) Basically all this is after Star Trek: Nemesis where they all disperse and Deanna and Will take over the USS Titan. THIS MAY TRIGGER SOME but I also don't want to spoil anything. Read with caution. You may end up with a few tears in your eyes, so you might consider reading this in private.

That being said, I really hope you enjoy this bittersweet one-shot.

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The last thing I remember from the night before is a view looking up from the floor. Numb, dazed, and lost, I try harder to remember what happened or where I am. I know who I am- Commander Deanna Troi Riker, wife of Captain William Riker, Counselor and second-in-command of the USS Titan, daughter of the Fifth House, heir to the Holy Rings of Betazed- et cetera. But what happened and why am I here? Where is here? Why can't I feel anything? The only thing that comes to mind is the view looking up to the plain silver-grey ceiling as if I am looking through the floor.

In a state somewhere between comatose and asleep, I forced myself to wake up. One by one my body systems started up. Soon I feel temperature- I am too warm. There are too many blankets, so wherever I'm lying is not my bed. I am aware of my limited clothing.

An internal sensation alerts me of the presences closeby. One I recognize immediately- my husband. I feel a wave of sadness and fear and all at once, I remember.

It was late. We were stressed but content after a long day at work. Both of us battling hunger, Will replicated something special for dinner because- why, again?

Oh, yes. We had just delivered the news to my mother, Will's father, and our closest friends. In celebration, Will had decided on a menu of Betazoid lake fish and vegetables in garlic and herb sauce, toasted baguette, and a glass of Chardonnay. The food was depleted. Will got up to take the dirty dishes to the incinerator. I only remember in fractions of seconds after that. There was a moment of dizziness. Confusion. Breathlessness followed by a blinding pain. There was silence. A flash of red. Then the view of the ceiling.

Now I'm very anxious and confused. Not knowing what has happened is really beginning to frustrate me, so I focus on waking up. I try not to worry too much about how much effort it's taking; If I am where I think I am, I've probably been sedated.

Within seconds, I hear voices. Slowly, the words become clearer as my eyes open. I can see fuzzy shapes of blue coats floating around my proximity, and directly ahead of me is what is surely my Imzadi's face. He seems to be staring unblinkingly to where his hand is cradling mine. I try to squeeze Will's hand, but I can't yet. I huff my breath in annoyance. At that moment when Will hears and looks into my still-waking eyes, I feel something- and it's terribly wrong.

It isn't my empathy that I sensed- I couldn't feel anything, not even Will- and that is part of the problem. I can't feel. I am evidently in sickbay, so hypothetically I should be bombarded with emotions. There is none of that, but that's not what worries me.

I feel… empty.

It feels terrible. I want to cry because of this sensation but I need answers.

"What happened?" I ask, voice croaky. No one cares about it, though, not Will or the two Doctors tending to me. The mood of the room is way too tense and serious, I feel that without my empathy. Glancing sadly at one of the doctors for a millisecond, Will opens his mouth to speak, but the pieces of information I've already collected forms the only answer I need.

A part of me wants to believe it isn't true, I am just dreaming a terrible, horrible dream and that everything would be okay. I'll check out of sickbay 100% fine and everything would go as planned for the next few months. Yes, Deanna, you'll see it's just a nightmare and you'll wake up soon and it'll all be over.

But I know before a sound leaves my husband's mouth that what my body feels is true. Will's words and both doctors confirm it: There is a black hole, a void, where a tiny, much-loved life had been just hours before.

* * *

I don't know if I ever completely healed, even after I was better physically. There was no obvious reason why I miscarried. I was scanned many times over and the results were the same- I was in perfect health. The baby simply had not lived.

They told us it happens sometimes, that even 24th-century medicine can rarely prevent things like this. Even if there was a way, it would likely be extremely dangerous to both mother and unborn child. But I never stopped wondering what would have happened if there was a way to stop it.

Would it have been a son? Would he have his father's blue eyes? My dark, curly hair? Would he play sports? Would he have a passion for logic? Would he go on to Starfleet Academy, eager for the big chair? Would he someday take over the same big chair his father waited for, for so long?

Or would it have been a daughter? Would she have those deep Betazoid eyes and the powers of empathic senses? Or maybe just a skill for knowing what people need? Would she have a big heart, always looking to help? Would she make us smile with words or song? Would she one day go out into the world and always go where she is needed most?

I will never know what that too-small baby would have become, but he or she will always hold a place in my heart. Through the pain, I look forward to someday meeting my baby in the next world, where I will welcome him or her with wide open arms, a smile, and a few tears.

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 **A/N** I'll be right back, gonna get some tissues...

Okay, let me know if you cried. Please review and check out my other Imzadi one shot. It's titled **Now- Imzadi One-Shot**


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